First, a little self-promotion to my Facebook, which is more actively updated than my dA. www.facebook.com/ThirteenMemor… Also, this journal entry will be a bit of an emotional dump, so feel free to skip if you want. On the other hand, if you wanna give suggestions, I like those. I like those a lot.
So, I've been struggling to find my "beat". I love art and writing (my first passion), and I want to study both, but lately I've been feeling stuck with the content of my art. I want to improve on composition and make my work more dynamic, but I haven't been able to get it. I've studied perspective and movement and whatnot, but I can't seem to figure out how to execute it. On top of those woes, I want to focus on getting my writing published. That's a whole other area of problems. Yes, writing has always been my passion, but I've been too casual with it; I haven't studied and I certainly don't read as much as I should to be a good writer. So I've been reading and writing, and because it takes me much longer to finish a piece of writing than it does to finish a piece of art, I've been neglecting my art. And if I spend too much time on a piece of writing, I get exhausted with it.
This is usually when the video games come in. Usually Skyrim or Minecraft; something familiar that doesn't require too much brain power to play, and like a person on a diet who just binge-ate an entire cake, I feel guilty after a month of not being productive and cycle starts over.
I'm still in college, and I'm beginning to get the idea that school isn't for me, but I've already spent so much time working at it that I don't want to just give up. ...But I don't even know what degree I want.
I know I just need to keep working and that I'm just impatient, but I also feel like I need to find a way to break the cycle.
I've been inactive because I need structure in my life; so that I can be productive and avoid an existential crisis. I've been trying to work on it, but I honestly have no clue how to.